Multiply and Replenish and the Blessings that are sure to Follow

Yep, today I am going to be talking about babies! They are the best and the hardest thing that will happen to you. I have never felt more love for someone at first site before than the births of my children. I could not even have imagined how much love I could have for them before they were even born but I loved them from the second I found out that they were growing inside of me. 

Of course a big reason for why I decided to have children so early in my life, according to the world, was because of my upbringing in the LDS church. I was married at 19, had my first baby 2 months before I was 21 and my second 2 months before I turned 23. I now am just 25 and have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Having children has put a lot of things on the back burner for me, first of all being school, but although things are a lot harder to do I am finishing those things I want to do to better myself for my children.

Having kids, especially earlier in life and our marriage, has made things difficult but at the same time we have seen so many blessings for following the commandment from God to multiply and replenish the earth. Some of the blessings I see on a day to day basis are daily lessons on patience, unconditional love, being able to witness the pure testimony of my children, and so much more.

There are also blessings that you can receive from children that not only benefit yourself but the world. Did you know that "by 2050, deaths will outnumber births and the earth will begin to see depopulation" (2012)? To sustain the population in the USA every couple needs to have 2.3 children. This will help sustain our country from starting to deplete. But the total fertility rate currently in the USA is 2.56 and has been consistently dropping from 4.92 since the 1950s.

How does this affect you? Well in a couple decades the elderly will be the greatest population and will have a lot more say than the other generations. They will have a lot of pull in politics when voting time comes and the likelihood of taxes being raised is much greater because there will be fewer in the working class than the elderly so the working class will have to work harder to help support their elders. These consequences to not following a commandment from God could be drastic and could change the world forever.

I urge you to rethink your thoughts on having children whether it is that you have decided to not have children at all or that you are waiting for the perfect time, because there will never be a perfect time things will always seem to be in the way. This is a serious commandment from God and it is necessary to one day become like him. If that is not reason enough than think about this "The first commandment he gave to Adam and Eve was to "be faithful, and multiply, and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28)" (2012). It was the very first commandment he gave so it must be an important one!

Resources:
Hawkins, Alan J. , Dollahite, David C. , Draper, Thomas W. (2012). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University

You Norish a Marriage like you Norish a Body

A few months ago I started doing the 21 Day Fix program. It includes workout DVDs and a detailed eating plan with portion containers. It has been a great tool for me with helping me learn how to correctly nourish my body. To nourish our bodies we need water, vegetables, fruit, protein, carbs, healthy fats and seeds & oils. With all of these we also need to balance our potions and make sure we are eating the right amount of each every single day.

You may be asking, how does this fit into a marriage blog? Well we need to nourish our bodies just like how we need to nourish other parts of our life and another part of our life that needs constant nourishing is out marriages. We cannot fuel a marriage with negativity just like how we cannot nourish our bodies with junk food. So here are some ways that we can make sure to nourish our marriages to help keep them strong and alive

1: "Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant" (2012)

Have you ever seen the covenant marriage triangle? It has each spouse on two of the corners and on the third is God. It represents that when you marry in the temple you are not just making a promise to each other to do all you can to stay together forever but you are also promising that to God. It means that when you go through hard times and you feel like you are alone because it has become hard to communicate to your best friend that you are not alone, God will be there to communicate with and help you rebuild that bridge between you and your spouse.

I will be honest, being marriage is not always easy. It can be so hard sometimes but when we give our all, in a covenant marriage each spouse gives 100% not 50/50, and we reach out to God we can rebuild anything.

2: "Love and Friendship" (2012)

If you are like most you most likely married your best friend, someone who you had so much fun with while dating. After getting married though it can be so easy to fall into a routine of not putting as much effort into the relationship. You are married now and you feel like you don't have anyone to impress anymore. You may not have to win your spouse over but that friendship still needs to be nourished because without friendship a marriage is really hard, way harder than usual.

One of the greatest ways to nourish love and a friendship within a marriage is through love languages. There are 5 love languages and everyone has at least one that they prefer to give love through and one they prefer to receive love through. For me I love to give love through giving gifts and I love to receive love through physical touch and quality time. I got lucky and my husband is also has a physical touch and quality time love language. Some may not be as lucky but your marriage can still thrive.

Find out what your spouse's love language is, there is a test you can take that will tell you, and make an effort to "talk" to them through their love language. Some ideas:

If your spouse is quality time go out for a date with them, set up an in home date, or sit in bed 30 minutes before going to sleep and just talk.

If your spouse is physical touch snuggle during a movie, have a random make out session or hold hands in public.

If your spouse is words of affirmation send them texts when they are at working telling them how much you love them, leave them love notes written on the bathroom mirror or tell them they are beautiful.

If your spouse is acts of service clean their car, clean the kitchen or take out the trash.

If your spouse is receiving gifts buy them something they have been wanting, make them a present or pick up their favorite food for dinner.

It may be hard to be in a relationship where each spouse has a different love language but I think that that can give both spouses more of an opportunity to show their love by showing their spouse that although it may not be their favorite way to show love or receive it that you are willing to do it for them.

3: "Positive Interaction" (2012)

Being happy and positive can be hard. After having my youngest life has been hard. I seem to always be stressed and I think it has a lot to do with how I have not had a moments rest since having him being in full time school and staying at home with two very active kids is very tiring. So at the end of the day when my husband gets home it is hard to stay positive. It is hard to smile for him and take a moment to ask him how his day was without whining about mine. More recently though I have been trying to change this and it is interesting to see how by nourishing my body it makes nourishing the relationships in my life easier.

Being positive in a marriage is so vital to it's health. When you have a friend and they are always negative how likely are you to stay friends with them? Not very likely. It is similar in a marriage. I am sure that when I was being negative everyday when my husband got home from a long day at work he was not looking forward to seeing his grumpy and miserable wife. I am sure he was thinking back to his new bride who was always so happy and excited to see him.

As I exercise more and eat the right foods I can see that it is easier to be more patient with my children and there for when my husband gets home I am not as irritable, most days. I am able to kiss him and ask him about his day and try and turn his day around if it wasn't that great at work. I know that by being a positive light in my husband's life he enjoys being around me more and I enjoy being around me more as well.

4: "Accepting Influence from One's Spouse" (2012)

This one is hard. The meaning to this nourishing marriage advice is to listen to your spouse and to be willing to compromise. Compromise can be so hard. You may be so excited about something and you may go to your spouse to let them know your plan and they may be excited for you but at the same time they may have suggestions you may not like. Instead of fighting it is usually best to take a step back, listen to those suggestions and compromise to fit both plans together.

This happened to me recently. I recently learned all about Lularoe this past winter. I fell in love with how the business was set up and I was ready to sign up to be a consultant. Then I went to my husband and he was not for it. It was hard for me to accept. I felt like he was crushing my dream. This was going to be my way of doing something for myself for the first time since our kids were born, I was going to finally find who I was outside of being a mom.

After a few months of being in full time school I am glad I was able to calm myself down and make some compromises with my husband and hold off for a little while before signing on to be a consultant. I had forgotten how busy I get when I am in full time school and I know that if I had signed up in December that life would be impossible right now. Now I am able to spend the little bit of free time I have with my family instead of having to stress all the time about running a new business while also keeping up with school work. I am glad I was able to humble myself and listen to my husband's suggestions and that we were able to make compromises that worked for us both.

5: Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems" (2012)

"How differences are handled is an important key to marital success or failure" (2012). I love this quote. Fighting and disagreements are inevitable in a marriage and any relationship, unless you are in a relationship with your clone. You are each your own person so it makes sense that you will not always agree with someone who is their own person. This is normal and this goes along really well with the last nourishing concept of compromise.

So we will get into fights but it is how we handle those disagreements that will help keep up strong. Will you hold a grudge and drag fights on or will you talk them out? Will you keep it all in and one day explode or will you approach a problem as it is happening? The way you answer those questions can make a huge difference in the nourishment of your marriage. Communication is always key. You may not be able to communicate as the argument is happening, it is ok to step away for a few minutes, or a couple hours, to cool down and compose yourself. But it is so crucial to your lasting relationship that those problems are addressed and that each person is able to have time to talk and that each person listens with the intention of finding a solution.

6: Continuing Courtship through the Years" (2012)

This may be my favorite of these nourishing topics. Dating does not stop at the wedding day. Instead it gets better. You are not dating your spouse now and forever. Dating can do so much for a marriage even if it is simple dates that are put together. The dates don't have to be expensive and luxurious. They can be a picnic in the living room, scavenger hunt in the park or feeding the ducks at the pond. As long as you are setting aside time for just you and your spouse to bond at least once a week you will see instantly how much of a difference it can make.

Now that you have seen how to nourish your marriage do you see areas where your relationship is being starved? What can you do to help strengthen your relationship with nourishment? I promise you no relationship is perfect but it is always about trying our best and making sure to always let the other person know that no matter what we will always love them and be there for them for eternity!

Resources:
Hawkins, Alan J. , Dollahite, David C. , Draper, Thomas W. (2012). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University

A Marriage is only as strong as its Fidelity

You may have noticed that there is a similar resource in each of my posts. I am currently attending online classes through BYU-Idaho and Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives is the textbook for one of my classes. There is so much I have learned from this book even just a few chapters in. One of the most eye opening chapters I read was called "Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity". Fidelity is one of the most important components to any relationship, especially a marriage.

When I started reading this chapter I thought it would be covering sexual infidelity throughout it all. To my surprise this was a small portion of the chapter. This does not mean that this form of infidelity is not harmful and disrespectful in every way. How could it not be those things? It is a spouse participating in an act which purpose is to strengthen a married couple but instead is participating with someone outside of the marriage. I cannot even imagine how devastating this would be to me. I used to have nightmares before getting married about falling off cliffs or being kidnapped. Now the nightmares that wake me in the middle of the night are ones I have about my marriage failing. I cannot think of anything worse than that.

So in the rest of the chapter it talks about different forms of infidelity besides the most common and talked about sexual infidelity. The other forms of infidelity are: fantasy, visual, and romantic.

Fantasy:

Did you know that you can have an affair without even meeting another person? Crazy right? When we are married our whole selves are given to our spouse and so sharing any of that with someone else is harming your marriage. Some examples of this type of infidelity is talking in chat rooms and connecting on an emotional or intimate level that should only be shared with your spouse, or "having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place" (2012).

But wait, isn't it ok to fantasize? I mean everyone has a celebrity crush right? Well according to my text this form of infidelity is inappropriate because it "involves fantasizing romantically about someone other than a spouse. When we let ourselves imagine what life would be like with another person, we are not being fully faithful to our spouse." (2012) Not as innocent as you may have thought.

Romantic:

This form of infidelity doesn't have much sexual nature to it. It has a lot to do with emotional connection and how you are making that emotional connection with the wrong person. "Romantic infidelity occurs when an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than him or her spouse." (2012). This form of infidelity can be so easy to participate in if you are not good at putting up boundaries with those around you. This can happen with coworkers, family friends, and even someone from church. In my marriage we have talked a lot about boundaries we want to set for ourselves and that we would like to see our spouse set as well to help keep this form of infidelity from creeping in. Some examples of these boundaries are:

• Not being alone in the car with someone of the opposite sex
• Not going out to a meal alone with someone of the opposite sex
• Don't talk about your marital problems outside of the marriage
• Don't flirt
• Don't share things with others that you aren't comfortable sharing with your spouse

Visual:

Although this was second in my list above I chose to save this for last because it involves a subject that is very controversial in these days. A way you can act in visual infidelity is by looking at, watching or reading pornography. I don't even like thinking about this word. For one thing it is a huge disrespect to women. Then to bring it into a marriage it becomes a disrespect to your spouse. "But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28)" (2012).

I remember reading posts in a mommy app I was apart of. One of the most recent posts was from a mom who was asking what the other mom's thoughts were on their husband's viewing pornography in bed next to them. Immediately my blood starting boiling! Just thinking about pornography in general makes me upset but to then to think about it being used in a marriage as a way to "relieve yourself" is disgusting especially if the other person gives their "ok". I jumped on the post and commented my thoughts thinking that many of the other moms who would post after me and would agree with all of my thoughts about how not just the act of watching it in bed with you was disrespectful but that if used any time in a marriage it is harmful. To my surprise the majority of moms who posted comments were in favor of their husbands or boyfriends using pornography when they "weren't in the mood" but they were OUTRAGED that this woman's significant other was watching it right in front of her? I could not believe what these women were saying! How were they ok with something being done in the other room that they couldn't stand being done right in front of them? I think it is because when they see it happen it becomes real but if it is in the other room they can pretend it is not happening. I know that if this was something I knew was happening in my house I would want to pretend it wasn't happening also. I would feel totally disrespected and betrayed that my husband would want to seek physical enjoyment from watching other naked women. Does this sound enjoyable to you?

Hopefully you were better able to understand that infidelity is not just sexual acts that it can be fantasy, visual and romantic as well. Some of these acts of infidelity may hurt more than others but anyone of them can slowly, or quickly, break down a marriage until it is very hard or impossible even to return to how it used to be. So always choose your spouse over any temptation, whether big or small, because that one act can take years to eventually heal in someone you promised forever to.

Resources:
Hawkins, Alan J. , Dollahite, David C. , Draper, Thomas W. (2012). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University