When I started reading this chapter I thought it would be covering sexual infidelity throughout it all. To my surprise this was a small portion of the chapter. This does not mean that this form of infidelity is not harmful and disrespectful in every way. How could it not be those things? It is a spouse participating in an act which purpose is to strengthen a married couple but instead is participating with someone outside of the marriage. I cannot even imagine how devastating this would be to me. I used to have nightmares before getting married about falling off cliffs or being kidnapped. Now the nightmares that wake me in the middle of the night are ones I have about my marriage failing. I cannot think of anything worse than that.
So in the rest of the chapter it talks about different forms of infidelity besides the most common and talked about sexual infidelity. The other forms of infidelity are: fantasy, visual, and romantic.
Fantasy:
Did you know that you can have an affair without even meeting another person? Crazy right? When we are married our whole selves are given to our spouse and so sharing any of that with someone else is harming your marriage. Some examples of this type of infidelity is talking in chat rooms and connecting on an emotional or intimate level that should only be shared with your spouse, or "having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place" (2012).
But wait, isn't it ok to fantasize? I mean everyone has a celebrity crush right? Well according to my text this form of infidelity is inappropriate because it "involves fantasizing romantically about someone other than a spouse. When we let ourselves imagine what life would be like with another person, we are not being fully faithful to our spouse." (2012) Not as innocent as you may have thought.
Romantic:
This form of infidelity doesn't have much sexual nature to it. It has a lot to do with emotional connection and how you are making that emotional connection with the wrong person. "Romantic infidelity occurs when an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than him or her spouse." (2012). This form of infidelity can be so easy to participate in if you are not good at putting up boundaries with those around you. This can happen with coworkers, family friends, and even someone from church. In my marriage we have talked a lot about boundaries we want to set for ourselves and that we would like to see our spouse set as well to help keep this form of infidelity from creeping in. Some examples of these boundaries are:
- Not being alone in the car with someone of the opposite sex
- Not going out to a meal alone with someone of the opposite sex
- Don't talk about your marital problems outside of the marriage
- Don't flirt
- Don't share things with others that you aren't comfortable sharing with your spouse
Although this was second in my list above I chose to save this for last because it involves a subject that is very controversial in these days. A way you can act in visual infidelity is by looking at, watching or reading pornography. I don't even like thinking about this word. For one thing it is a huge disrespect to women. Then to bring it into a marriage it becomes a disrespect to your spouse. "But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28)" (2012).
I remember reading posts in a mommy app I was apart of. One of the most recent posts was from a mom who was asking what the other mom's thoughts were on their husband's viewing pornography in bed next to them. Immediately my blood starting boiling! Just thinking about pornography in general makes me upset but to then to think about it being used in a marriage as a way to "relieve yourself" is disgusting especially if the other person gives their "ok". I jumped on the post and commented my thoughts thinking that many of the other moms who would post after me and would agree with all of my thoughts about how not just the act of watching it in bed with you was disrespectful but that if used any time in a marriage it is harmful. To my surprise the majority of moms who posted comments were in favor of their husbands or boyfriends using pornography when they "weren't in the mood" but they were OUTRAGED that this woman's significant other was watching it right in front of her? I could not believe what these women were saying! How were they ok with something being done in the other room that they couldn't stand being done right in front of them? I think it is because when they see it happen it becomes real but if it is in the other room they can pretend it is not happening. I know that if this was something I knew was happening in my house I would want to pretend it wasn't happening also. I would feel totally disrespected and betrayed that my husband would want to seek physical enjoyment from watching other naked women. Does this sound enjoyable to you?
Hopefully you were better able to understand that infidelity is not just sexual acts that it can be fantasy, visual and romantic as well. Some of these acts of infidelity may hurt more than others but anyone of them can slowly, or quickly, break down a marriage until it is very hard or impossible even to return to how it used to be. So always choose your spouse over any temptation, whether big or small, because that one act can take years to eventually heal in someone you promised forever to.
Resources:
Hawkins, Alan J. , Dollahite, David C. , Draper, Thomas W. (2012). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University
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