Divorce.... But What about Forever?

Another tough topic that I have a lot of thoughts on and feelings about. My husband and I talked about this topic a good amount before we got married. He knew and still knows that this is not an option for us ever. He grew up in a house where his parents divorced when he was 13 and it was not a pretty divorce. Because of everything that happened his teenage years were very difficult and because of that he knew that when he found someone to marry he needed to make sure that that person had the same commitment to keeping their marriage together forever. We know that hard times will come but divorce will never even be an option for us.

Of course there are usually acception to the rules and divorce can have acception. President Faust has a three step test to seeing if your marriage is one of those acceptions.

Step 1: Prolonged Difficulties "Spouses should not seek a divorce without a lengthy period of time to attempt to repair or reduce serious problems." (2012)

There are so many ways to go about this. One is through counseling. There is also communicating and waiting out the problems. Did you know that "the first five years of a marriage are the years with the highest risk of divorce" (2012)?  Those who said that they push past these first few rough years say that their marriage is more satisfying than it ever has been. I know that that is because they were able to work through such a rough time together and come out on the other side stronger than ever.

Some other options are to visit your bishop, talk with close friends or family that may have gone through the same thing and were able to push through a rough time but are now strong in their marriage. You also want to make sure you will have friends and family around you who will support you in trying to work things out, having people around you who won't will make it hard to work for your marriage.

There are also cases where separation may be the answer to protect family members from harm. But this of course is only temporary until it is safe for those who moved out to come back home and continue working to mend the marriage.

Step 2: Apparently Redeemable Marriage "The marital relationship must reach the point where is it apparently irredeemable" (2012)

What does this mean? This means that you have tried everything you could and even more than that and it is not getting better. In cases of infidelity it can mean that the spouse who was unfaithful regained your trust but then repeated the act of infidelity. This shows you that they are not sorry and divorce could be the answer for this situation.

Step 3: Destruction of Human Dignity "that the relationship has deteriorated to the point that it threatens to destroy the dignity of one or both spouses" (2012)

"feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in the marriage does not meet this standard." (2012). This means that your sense of worth is depleted. An example of when this might happen is from living in an abusive house or being the victim of multiple acts of infidelity.

If you are going through a rough time in your marriage make sure to go through this list and see if you have done all you can to save it. Most of all make sure you are communicating with the Lord. Visit the temple often and ask him your questions and confide in him your sadness and your fears. Visit your Bishop and he can help you as well. There is so much that can be done before divorce is even mentioned and it will be even easier to do with the help of the Lord.

Resources:
Hawkins, Alan J. , Dollahite, David C. , Draper, Thomas W. (2012). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University